I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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