at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
