I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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