I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
