Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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