quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
