The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
