I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
