The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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