You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
