I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
