I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My penis needs a shock collar
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
