i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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