He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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