Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
