Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
