You're my little dorito
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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