what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
