Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
