It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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