I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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