1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
