Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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