i just wanna soil my oats bro
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
