Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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