I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
