so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
