Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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