addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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