I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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