No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
