Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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