I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
