ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
