I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
