Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
