hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
