You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
