2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hell yes lets make some ravioli
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
