i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
