If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
