I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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