I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize