I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
