U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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