I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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