It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss vodka workout Fridays
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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