u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
