I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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