I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
