just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
