I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
