Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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