My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
