Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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