Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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