so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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