smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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