That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
