real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
