P.S. I can't hear my feet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
