he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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