He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
