It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
